How Can We Do Business If We Can’t Be Friends?

We’ve talked about bad sales techniques. Let’s discuss relationship-based selling…

Pop star Michael Bolton has received flak for the last 20 years for his song, How Can We Be Lovers (If We Can’t Be Friends)?

Those that give Bolton grief are probably those that still use bad sales techniques.

When it comes to sales, clients need a little time, love and tenderness (okay, enough with the Michael Bolton references). You get the point.

Successful selling happens when real relationships exist between business and client. When clients feel they are truly friends with you there is a trust. From there the business relationship can grow. 

Two Ends of the Relationship-Based Selling Spectrum

On one extreme there is the salesperson that takes prospects out for dinners, drinks and events. This practice is fairly common today especially in the private business-to-business sector.

These salespeople are buying clients.

To combat this practice, some business leaders put restraints on employees when it comes to accepting dinners, drinks and gifts. When decisions are made based on gifts things get go sideways quickly.

Salespeople that use gifts as a way to build a relationship are taking advantage of social reciprocity. When we receive something, even from someone we don’t like or trust, we feel a need to repay the debt. For some this desire is stronger than it is for others and it can lead to bad business relationships.

There is nothing wrong with buying someone dinner or a drink. It’s a nice gesture, but if the act is used as pressure to close a sale it can lead to a bad situation for both the salesperson and the client.

One the other end of the relationship-based selling spectrum is the group of salespeople that truly look to make friends in the business world. They build relationships with people way ahead of any potential sale. They are truly looking to make connections because they know you can never have too many friends.

These business leaders understand that trust is a major component of purchase decisions especially in the business-to-business world. When purchases are made for large amounts of money the client needs to feel a certain level of trust before committing.

Friendship is earned and so is trust. It starts without an agenda other than creating a mutually beneficial relationship. One where both parties listen to each other and help one another improve.

Colleagues you consider to be friends are likely you do business with them and the decision was probably easy to choose their company over another.

This is relationship-based selling and it really doesn’t feel like selling at all.

How to Start a Relationship

Most relationships begin with basic storytelling. Again, we’ve discussed storytelling before. Some of the best leaders and speakers understand the art of storytelling.

When you meet someone new it’s good to begin with stories. From your stories the other person will get to know you without you having to point out specific traits. They will pick up on who you are, how you handle situations and what your values are just from listening to your stories. We do this most of the time when we answer the question, “How have you been?” We use stories to tell what has been happening.

Tell stories and ask the other person to share stories from their life. Ask about their family and ask about recent events. It’s easier for someone to open up by telling stories and you’ll get to know them.

Remember that trust is an important component of any relationship. If you embellish your stories or flat out lie about something you’re setting the relationship up for failure.

If you’re struggling to find a story that will work in a new relationship setting keep asking for interests until you find commonalities. We’re all connected by something in this world. It could be tastes in music or movies. It could be upbringing or a similar family situation. The key to making this genuine is to ask about YOUR interests to start with.

This is how relationships are started. Commonalities connect us. Stories allow us to get to know one another and it leads to trust.

The Rules of Relationship-Based Selling

Selling to friends is still no easy task especially in a busy world. Everybody is busy with work and family. There is little time for friends. We all have little time to hangout and watch sports or movies with friends. There is even less time to spend time with business friends.

So there are a few rules to use as a guide if you want to be a relationship-based leader.

Add Value By Making Life Simple

First, make life simple for your prospect. This is really part of your service offering and it can help you earn more business while becoming a better business leader.

You can be great friends with a potential client. Then it comes time to present the options for service and they are overwhelmed with choices.

Remember, everybody is busy. They don’t have time to think through everything. If you present them with too many options and choices they’ll become frustrated and they’ll stick with what they currently have.

A good friend is someone that makes life easier. It’s your job to do the work to provide the ideal choice for the prospect. Do your part to really get to know the person and their business. Then supply the ideal option and make the decision easy.

Listen and Align Goals

Second, the best business leaders know how to listen. Prospects all have issues with their business. Successful leaders understand that building a trusting business relationship is not about what is being sold. It’s about what is troubling the prospect and how to solve that issue.

Your best friend is probably the person that is the best listener you know. They listen while you talk. You confide in them about what is troubling you and what you love. They speak only when they know it’s appropriate.

Listening is something the best business leaders practice. They master the art of listening to prospects. But not only do they listen, they align solutions with the needs of the prospect.

For example, a business leader will often sit down with a prospect and ask, “What are you struggling with?”

The prospect will say they are really struggling to find a profitable way to gain new customers with paid search ads.

The business leader listens until the prospect finishes the story. Then they discuss a solution that provides paid search guidance to not only get short-term profitability, but also long-term profitability via training.

The best salespeople start with finding a problem and aligning the proper solution. If you do it the other way you’ll find yourself with a solution that may or may not have a problem to solve.

Start Building Your Business Network Now

Relationship-based selling requires business leaders to have a network of business friends. It doesn’t mean you have to buy your friends. It means you need to have a network of friends before you need to meet a sales quota.

If you start looking for sales right away you’ll be looking for love in all the wrong places. It’s better for you and your business if you look to make friends first, and business later.

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